learning to love living alone
I’ve had spells of living alone, living with family and living with a partner. So I can get why not everyone loves living alone, but at this time in my life, I’m finding it to be the most peaceful and rewarding way to live.
don’t rush, ease into loving it
In the beginning I found the silence physically heavy. Too much time to hear my own thoughts became oppressive. I’d ruminate and catastrophise and had to find ways to ease myself into this new way of living. So to start with, I simply made sure not to be in silence. This meant carrying my phone literally everywhere, or casting to speakers in all rooms and listening to calming things like comedy podcasts, chill music playlists or relaxing youtube videos. I’d rewatch my same comfort shows over and over, always having them playing in the background. As I fell asleep, I’d have a podcast playing on a timer and if I woke up, I’d put another one on.
It took a few months but bit by bit, I’d find myself forgetting to play something and realise I’d been snoozing in silence, or peeing in silence or just enjoying a cup of tea in silence. Once that hit, I was able to enjoy longer and longer spells in the quiet and really get to enjoying my time alone.
notice small joys
Open your windows for at least 10 minutes per day. It’s good to air out the rooms, helps reduce damp, brings in a lovely freshness. But I like it because it brings me a small joy. Sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea in my hand, I watch the net curtain sway a little in the breeze. I can hear the sound of birds and of people going about their lives. It’s peaceful.
If I put something somewhere, it stays there. Mostly, this means when I tidy things away, it stays tidy. Adding an extra person means twice the mess and I find the place stays cleaner and tidier much more consistently.
Eat what you want (but do look after yourself), watch what you want, get up or sleep in, tidyup or don’t, sing loud or stay quiet. If you get in late, have a bath or a shower without worrying about waking someone.
Decorate exactly how you want to. Be as minimal, maximal, colourful or monochrome as you like. Try things out. Change them.
then you’ll really enjoy the big things
No need to spend your home time- in what is supposed to be your safe space, your haven- worrying about or tiptoeing around someone else’s mood. This has been the biggest win for me. It’s something I didn’t realise the weight of until it was gone. I feel measurably lighter, calmer and happier. And I did not live with a bad person. Just someone going through their things, as I was mine, but the freedom of only having your own mood to manage is something I don’t think I’ll ever be able to compromise on again.